This summer I have been in Memphis, TN interning at a church working with a bunch of middle school and high school kiddos. It has had plenty of ups and downs. There have been times of laughing so hard my sides ache, and there have times of crying so much I felt as if there were no tears left at all. However, the Lord has brought me through all of those times. He was with me every step of the way, and that has become so apparent. My heart has been shifted completely.
At the beginning of the summer I was extremely nervous about going to Tennessee. It was the furthest I had ever been from home for a long period of time. I only knew one person there (and I’m a huge people person so that was gonna be rough!) As I packed up my car and left I felt my heart sink as I left everything behind – my friends, my family, and my comfort. I knew this was going to be tough, but I did my best to hold in my emotions and just keep going. As I drove to Memphis the voice of the enemy came to me screaming lies that I would soon battle with believing.
The first few weeks of being in Tennessee were some of the roughest times I had been through. I was terribly homesick to the point I felt completely crippled. I didn’t want to stick it out. I didn’t want to keep going. But every time I thought about giving up I heard God whisper, “Cheyenne, the Gospel is worth it.” I knew in my head that He had called me here, so He would also lead me through it. I knew that there was purpose in me being there. So, I did my best to keep walking in obedience.
There was a weekend I had to go home to Dallas for my sister’s graduation. I couldn’t have been more thrilled to be home. It was comfortable. It was what I knew and what I thought I wanted. As the weekend came to a close and it was time to say goodbye, the lies of the enemy came back screaming louder and louder than ever. It was the night before I was supposed to head back and I completely broke down and lost it. All the emotions I had held in were now out on the table for all my family to see. “I don’t want to go back. I can’t do it! I am not doing a good job there. Everything would be better if I just stayed here!!!” I sobbed uncontrollably. These were the lies I was giving into. But once again a still small voice said, “I have put you in Tennessee for the summer; don’t quit now.”
As I arrived back in TN something in me began to shift. I had gotten a call from a dear friend reminding me, “It is okay to want to be two places at the same time. It is okay to love people back home and people here in TN. God has designed your heart that way.” That one conversation changed everything for me. My clouded vision full of lies and doubts was now crystal clear. I knew that I could invest here and still be near to the ones back home.
The summer continued and God continued to show up in big ways. He empowered me to keep going. On nights when I felt the loneliness begin to sink in again, I was met by the Prince of Peace. At camp with the youth group we saw 10 kids come to know Christ. I believed God would move. I asked Him to remind me of His power and goodness. He responded by doing so much more than I ever imagined. He gave me favor with these kids. I got the privilege to play a small part in building His Kingdom.
So now as I sit thinking about how I leave next week my heart is heavy. I will have to say bittersweet goodbyes and head home. The Lord will continue to move in Memphis just as He continued to do in Dallas. God Is constantly at work even when we are blind to it.
He wants to use his children. We just have to willing and allow Him to. It isn’t going to always be comfortable. It will be hard at times. But sweet friends it is always worth it. So what is that thing that God is calling you to do? Do it. Step out in faith knowing that God will provide. He is a good Father who cares for every need. You can do this.
“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” (Joshua 1:9)
