Happy Sunday, friends! I've been doing a lot of reflecting recently, and I wanted to share some things with y'all!
I’m sure most of you have heard of the people having a “word of the year.” And while we are a little ways into 2019, I wanna share with y’all my 2018 word of the year.
So, for 2018, my word of the year was “expectant.” And you can bet your bottom dollar that I charged into 2018 super expectant, but more so to get what I wanted and expected from God (not my conscious thoughts at the time, but looking back it’s pretty clear why I initially choose that word).
Of course, 2018 looked nothing like I expected it to. It was actually one of my most challenging spiritual seasons to date. A lot of things changed and I suddenly didn’t feel as close to God as I had. I let doubts and fears swirl around in my mind and I let lies from the enemy ensnare me. I really couldn’t figure out what to do or how to fix it. My own efforts were drained.
I spent most of the year spinning my wheels and trying to make sense of things. But then things started to change. I couldn’t tell you exactly when or what happened. All I know is that it was/is the work of Christ in me. Jesus continues to amaze me at His redemptive power and ability to use my brokenness for His glory and my good.
The absolute coolest thing about my broken/expectant year was God. God using every bit of it to draw me closer to Him and to teach me things and give me a greater understanding of the truth. I learned to be expectant of God to be God. I learned to put my faith in the unchanging, unwaveringness of Jesus (Hebrews 13:8). Whenever I would feel far from God or worry about where I stood before Him because of my struggles, He brought verses like this to mind. Ones telling me that Jesus does not change, that if I draw near to God, He will draw near to me (James 4:8), and calling me to remember His faithfulness (Psalm 77:11-14). I would think about the simple truth of the gospel and that my status before God doesn’t depend on what I can do or how I may feel at any given moment (Ephesians 2:8-9). And then I did a whole lot of reflecting on what I have seen Jesus do in my life. He helped me remember all the answered prayers, ways He has shown Himself to me, and the way He has changed me.
I wish I had better words to express the goodness and faithfulness of God. To tell of what He’s done for me and to explain all that He’s teaching me.
Maybe you’re reading this and thinking you don’t feel like God has done much for you (wrong - Jesus literally died on the cross for you, which in itself is everything and enough) or that He isn’t working in your life (wrong again because Romans 8:34 says He is at the right hand of God, interceding for us and Habakkuk 1:5), or that He isn’t teaching you much (consider that He very well may be teaching you to have faith, to trust Him regardless of how you feel or how things appear to you).
Recently at church, our pastor shared with us about building. He explained that there are times when you can see the progress happening everyday - the house is changing and developing and looks great. And then there are times when you wonder if any work is being done at all. It’s in these times that the most crucial work is being done. It’s just not where you can see from the outside, untrained eye. But the builder knows what he’s doing.
Trust Jesus and what He’s doing in your life right now. Choose to look for Him in every little detail and rejoice, because He’s there. He’s in everything.
When I look back, even on my most challenging days, there’s never a moment where I don’t see Jesus in the midst. Even in pain and heartache. Even in my worst frustrations.
As annoyed as I may get at them, I think trials and challenging seasons are also sort of the best. My faith is grown and stretched through them. I learn more. I rely on Jesus more. They’re ultimately for our good. Jesus is so kind to teach us in ways that change us.
There are lots of lessons I’ve learned that I would’ve chosen to learn differently at the time but I don’t think I would’ve really understood if I had it my way.
This makes me think back to Exodus 13:17-18, “When Pharaoh let the people go, God did not lead them by way of the land of the Philistines, although that was near. For God said, "Lest the people change their minds when they see war and return to Egypt." But God led the people around by the way of the wilderness toward the Red Sea. And the people of Israel went up out of the land of Egypt equipped for battle.” (Exodus 13:17-18) Every time I see this, I think about how much better God’s ways are than mine. He literally knows everything, even our tendencies to run in fear. We do not know everything. I think we sometimes think we do, but we don’t. What looks like a mess and the sometimes worst route possible to us is actually chosen by God, for our good and His glory. To get us to the place that He wants us and to teach us along the way.
So, looking back on 2018: while I was in it, I often thought of it as the hardest year of my life, and then it slowly became bittersweet to me as God revealed to me how He was using it to change me/strengthen my faith, and now I can finally see it was actually one of my best years just because of Jesus being who He is.
I wanna leave y’all with 2 of my favorite verses of all time:
“Consequently, he is able to save to the uttermost those who draw near to God through him, since he always lives to make intercession for them.” (Hebrews 7:25, ESV)
(Don’t let the enemy tell you you’re out of God’s reach. His word is true and it says Jesus is able to save to the UTTERMOST!! That means me and you and your best friend and the person you can’t stand. Even on your very worst most sin filled moment. Jesus is ABLE to save. Call out to Him and claim the truth of what He’s done for you. The enemy WILL try to drag you down and feed you lies like they’re your own thoughts. Don’t let him. Ask Jesus for His strength and spend time in the word so you can combat the lies and stand firm. You can.)
And Habakkuk 3:18, “yet I will rejoice in the Lord; I will take joy in the God of my salvation.” (No matter what your life looks like or how you feel, you can rejoice in the Lord. Because His goodness and faithfulness isn’t dependent on a feeling or whether or not things are going how you want them to. Joy comes from knowing Jesus, fully trusting in Him, and choosing to praise Him at all times.)
Let God use your brokenness for His glory and your good, because He will.
And you can be expectant of that.
